He started recording us right from the start. I didn’t know about it so it was OK. In his room, he’ll hide the camera where I wouldn’t see it. During the act, he’ll control our positions to suit the location of the camera. I wasn’t aware but I started asking questions; “Why this way but not that way? Are they both not the same thing?” He would smile and just ask me to shush. The light never went off while doing it. Sometimes we had to sleep with the light on even when I protested.
He never wanted it done at my place. We dated for two years and I could count the number of times it happened at my place on my fingers. Even when I wanted it at my place, he declined. Sometimes I had to follow him to his place before shuperu could happen. I never for once suspected him of anything until he came clean to me a week before our wedding.
“There’s something I haven’t told you and I think it’s about time.”
“What is it about? If you think it will destroy our wedding plans then please don’t say it.”
“Oh not at all. It’s just something we need to talk about before marriage. We are going to get married so definitely you’ll know.”
“What is it?”
“I’ve been recording us. Yeah, I record us during shuperu”
It all made sense when he made that confession, the positions, the demand to do it at his place, the constant fidgeting with his phone afterwards. It all came back to me. I pretended I wasn’t shocked. I asked calmly, “What for? What if someone sees it? Why record something you do all the time?” His answer was, “Nothing really. I guess I love to watch us do it.” I went quiet. He asked what the problem was and I answered, “I’m not comfortable with that. It’s a small world, just a little mistake and the whole world would watch us doing it. It’s not safe.”
He was bent on trying to make me see that there was nothing wrong with it. I asked, “Does that mean you’ll continue doing it after we are married?” He answered, “That’s why I’m confessing. So you know before we start living together.” “Over my dead body,” I answered.
We got married a week later but I was filled with so many questions and those questions got me curious. “I’m not the only woman he dated. Did he record the other women he dated? Where has he been hiding the videos? Where does he keep them that I haven’t come across it all these years?”
I made it a point to stop him from recording but most importantly, I resolved to look for those clips. I wanted to see if I was the only one he recorded. Whenever I was alone, I went through his things. Whenever it was time for us to do it, I turned off the light. If we were doing it in the afternoon, I will intentionally move away from where we were supposed to do it to another location. He complained. I told him he had recorded enough already so he should keep those ones. He said he loved to watch it when he was alone. I told him we were married so he was never going to be alone.
I went through the folders on his laptop and saw nothing. I went through his phone. His external hard drive too. All the places I thought he could be hiding them I went there and saw nothing. I gave up searching. It was a lot of work.
He returned from travel one day and I went through his bag immediately when he returned. I saw two pen drives and I took them immediately. To take his mind off the drives, I threw myself all over him, engaging him in a series of silly conversations here and there. When he went to the hall I followed. When he went to the bedroom, I followed. When he slept, I lay down beside him. No room for him to think about the drive. Later in the night, I inserted the drive into his laptop.
There were different folders and I went through all of them. My question was answered. I wasn’t the only one he recorded. There was a lady we fought often about when we were dating. He kept telling me she was nothing to him. There was a video of them doing it. There were videos for exes and other two ladies I didn’t know. In all, there were five women apart from me but I had a lot of videos with him.
I couldn’t watch a minute of what he was doing with other women. I only wanted to see faces and once the face was established, I moved on. My heart was aching knowing I wasn’t the only one he enjoyed. I couldn’t sleep that night. I was thinking of what to say or do with that information.
In the morning when he picked up his bag, I was watching him. He was searching. He went through all the pockets. He moved from here to there. I asked him, “Are you looking for something?” He answered, “No, I’m just….” Then nothing will follow. He was disturbed. When he thought they were missing, he got scared. I picked them up and called him, “Are you looking for these?” He got frozen for seconds. He asked me, “Where did you find them?” I asked, “Who are those ladies? Are you cheating on me?”
That question might have caught him off guard. I thought he was going to tell me they were old videos but when he tried to explain he said, “Don’t get it twisted. Some are old videos. I took them even before I met you.” I answered, “Old videos are obvious. I’m not talking about them. The new ones. Where did you meet them? So you’re cheating on me with other women?” He said, “Just two of them. Even that, it happened just once. I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me.”
“Two women but you tell me you don’t know what came over you?”
I gave him the drive and went to sit in the hall. He came over begging me for forgiveness and promised not to do that again. Our marriage is still young, a little over a year old. I haven’t spoken to anyone about my findings but I’m suffering. I don’t share the same bed with him any longer. I don’t wash for him and I can’t bring myself to think of him as my husband. Somehow, I don’t want to leave the marriage but anytime I see him around, what I saw in the videos comes flashing in my mind.
He has lived apologetically since that day but I’m not convinced. I feel cheated. I feel disregarded. He cheated while dating. He’s cheating even when we are married. I don’t think this will make him stop. I’m thinking about my health and I’m scared. The trust is broken and I feel this marriage won’t be the same again. I need opinions. As it stands now, I’m ready to do anything that promises peace of mind and preservation of my sanity. He’s pushing me not to invite third parties into the issue. He believes third parties are a bad influence and our marriage won’t be the same again if we bring in a third party but here I am, sharing it here because I’m going crazy thinking about all the things I saw in the videos.